My journey on the Red Road
The past year i've done so much travelling. And one big reason is to search for my soul. I have travelled to slc Utah for sweat lodge on a top of a mountain (even saw a mountain lion). To Rocky boy Montana to help put people on a mountain to fast.And to nez perc to sundance for four days.The first one in over 100 years for their territory.
During my travels I've seen and felt so much and I've learned so much too. This road isn't an easy one to take but it's so worth it.
I'm reflecting now as I wait for my flight. Im staying in Okanagan British Columbia with some ceremony family. A couple more days and I'm back to Ontario Canada where my family anxiously awaits my arrival.
I wanted to share some of this reflection with the world. It's been awhile since I blogged And I usually post alot on Facebook but I feel withdrawn from the world lately. I'm conscious of my feelings and feel more alone than I've ever felt lately. They call this growth. And maybe it's because the red road is a lonely one and ceremony is where I feel the most connected with the universe and with like minded people. Im leaving it for a little while so I can bring it back home to my community and to my family. So I can continue my work at home.
I look forward to reconnecting to my ceremony family again in the months and year to come. So it's a bitter sweet.
The family I've experienced is a different kind of family. Its the kind I want all year round. It's connection that takes work. It's connection right from the spirit and without judgement with what or where you came from.
I met a women when Sun dancing that went up to speak and she was a mohawk woman. I connected with her there because one thing she said was she struggled to find her place. I asked a helper to go hug her and tell her there's another mohawk woman sun dancing and I'll be praying for her and our people. And I did with all my heart. I could feel her support dancing each day. She came every day we danced and was so proud that she had another person from her nation there. And I was proud too.
Another thing I learned is there will always be good and bad that creates balance in our lives. No matter where you are there will always be balance. We all have the ability to choose what ours will be.
Sometimes we don't know why things are happening and we aren't meant to. It's the experience we must experience before the answer comes back to us. So I'm sitting here reflecting on the good and the bad. And the amazing people that are helping to hold me up. The amazing woman Joan who's taken me all over her territory site seeing before I prepare to leave. I'm so grateful for women like her. And to her family. I know I can be that person in someones life and help them to find this red road too. We help eachother and they are teaching me a lot and they don't even know it.
So I guess one of the biggest lessons I've learned this past year is to learn to sit with myself. That lesson began when I did my fast. And it continues as I move forward. For me it was the hardest thing I couldn't do. I'm not sure if it will get any easier but I do know I have a choice of what I want to do with myself when I feel the feelings I use to run from. I choose the red road and I choose me. I choose to be present in my body.
Alot of people wonder why I am so far from my children. We have been programmed for so many years that the woman should stay home and be a good wife and tend to their husbands and not take care of themselves. To cook and clean and be quiet. If we don't care for ourselves our children wouldn't know how to do that for their families. In my opinion by doing this work I am putting my kids first because what I am bringing back to them is everything I've learned so I can show them how to be. And how to walk. And how to love themselves. It's preparing them for this path as I prepare myself for them. So I encourage the women if you have a chance experience such a way of life to do it. No matter what people think or say. Stay with your why and your vision of what you want for your family. Even if it's by yourself for a little while. Because your kids and grandkids will be joining you eventually and they will thank you for being that mom and grandma. They will love you no matter what and eventually understand why you sacrificed what you did. And they will know it was because you had your children's childrens children in your mind. The future of your family. You had the vision of oneness and healing. You had love and wisdom and togetherness in your heart. Because you are the matrriarch that holds it all together.