Resiliency of an indigenous woman
Growing up I believed I was never going to be successful. I had a very hard time fitting in. I wasn't great in school. I didn't keep up with the current trends.And I just wasn't apart of the "cool" crowd. In fact I was quite the follower.
At 14 I was a run away. Sexually assaulted the first time I ran away and drank hard liquor. I blacked out and was hiding from my parents. I was angry I was taken from my home Oneida. And I didn't understand why. My mother was forced to put me into juvenile detention so she could keep track of me and to make sure I didn't come up missing or murdered.
I thought I wouldnt make it to thirty five and im about to make it there in less than a week. I really walked thinking there was no future for me.
I use to follow my head instead of my heart. And it wasn't until I started learning more about my culture that I learned those heart teachings and things started to change for me. Once I started to learn the difference between heart and head. I was guided to my passion with speaking.And I didn't really notice that I needed to change that until a company I joined asked me about my why and to share it. That company is Doterra. My why was pretty big and it required me to speak in front of groups. I couldn't hold a conversation without crying or second guessing myself or my face going red.
Before I found this path I did manage to get a college diploma and dedicated my life to that profession for 12 years. But I knew there was more for me because I always felt like I had this fire in my heart that wouldn't go away. But I felt like a robot doing the same thing everyday. I was just a number....
Remember idle no More? I was apart of helping to organize a march but I didn't have my voice back then. We organized a peaceful march at the peace bridge, Fort Erie. We met our u.s brothers and sisters at the top of the bridge. And that experience ignited something in me. So when I had the opportunity to co-organize a rally with Tribal North Radio for Colton Boushie in London, Ontario some time later. I knew I wanted to be apart of the change and awareness of what was happening with our people. And it was that day I really found my voice because I had and still have my own reasons why I don't trust the system. Because that system let me down with the loss of my three oldest children. I didn't have a voice then either and that was my rock bottom. I didn't know how to stand up for myself. But that day, the day I grabbed that mega phone that scared little girl that couldnt speak for herself finally stood up with a ROAR. And it was big one!
When I got home that day I told my partner I could hear my grandma giggle at me. And within minutes my phone went off and my mom text me and said they're calling you little Muriel. Muriel is my grandmothers name. And then I started to cry, because I knew I really did hear my grandma giggle.
Since that day I haven't stopped pushing myself and knocking down the barriers that I have created and that have been passed down to me with my belief system. I have chosen to get back up each time I fall. I choose to learn culture because when I lost everything that's what saved my life. Our songs pulled me into happiness and connection. So I'm grateful for the darkness because without it I wouldn't have found the light.
So this first blog is about resilience and perseverance. It's about sharing why I am the way I am and why I choose to not give up on myself. I choose to use my story to help others like me. To encourage everyone to get back up and not give up on their dreams. Don't walk around with your head down because you have fallen. You can get back up as many times as you need until you get it! Life is about balance. If we didn't have the darkness we wouldn't have the light. And nothing good comes easy. You have to work for what you want. And I don't mean in a 9 to 5 kind of way. You totally got this thing called life and if I can do it. So can you!!